I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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