You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
