You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
