There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
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He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
ok first of all what the fuck
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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