Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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