She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
