I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
