My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
