The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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