Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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