My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
