i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
