And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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