Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Semen is not good for contacts.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize