by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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