i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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