you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
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Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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