I faked an abortion last night.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
