When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
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Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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