I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
