I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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