she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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