I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
