Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
