Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
