We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
where does the pee come out of this thing
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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