just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
