At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
