I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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