The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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