"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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