just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
