My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
smell my finger.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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