He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think I am morally bankrupt
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
