can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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