why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
