I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
this is an emotional support booty call
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
