I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
