maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
