I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
