I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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