I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
