that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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