I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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