I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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