yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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