I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
