My nipple is on Facebook.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
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They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
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Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize