I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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