Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
