just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I want to fling myself into the sun
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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