4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
