and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
