Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
