sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
