Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
