i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
