tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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