Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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