Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
