uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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