my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
