Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
