honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
