i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
