I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
