i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
