Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
