Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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