So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
