He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
