**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
